


The Long Run

by NicusVictoria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Major Character Deaths, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:54:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicusVictoria/pseuds/NicusVictoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sirius runs away from home to the Potters, it seems to him everything will be easy now. </p><p>It wasn't, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Run

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this fic about six years ago, and because one of my hard-drives crashed between then and now, I thought I had lost the story. However, today I remembered I had sent it to a friend, and rebooted one of my old email-accounts to see if I could find it. I did. I reread it and it wasn't as terrible as some of the crap my angsty teenage mind had come up with. in fact, it was quite good. I changed small bits and pieces of it, and finished it. This is the result.

**ONE**

“James?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think I did a good thing?”

“What?”

“Running away from home?”

“I’d say so. S’not as if you were any kind of happy, there.”

“I left my brother behind.”

“You know just as well as I do that he doesn’t consider you a brother anymore. You’ve heard him say it.”

“I think he’s trapped there, unable to get out.”

“Sure he could, if he wanted to. You did.”

“He’s not me.”

“Look, Siri, it’s not as if you can do anything right now.”

“Yeah, but still.”

 

**TWO**

James was easy. Everything we did was effortless as breathing. From the moment we met, we were friends. And the moment we saw food, we were hungry. I could tell him everything, and he’d respond the way I needed him to. _That_ never changed. But my feelings did. I think it started when I walked away from home. It was the first summer I stayed with him, after fifth year. As their first-born son, my parents wanted me to take the Dark Mark. It was the final straw. When I ended up on James’s doorstep, and he opened the door, no words were said. He _knew_. He simply hugged me tight. And I crashed.

 

**THREE**

“Siri?”

“Hmm?”

“Why does Lily hate me so?”

“I dunno, James. I guess you are a bit of a prick sometimes.” There was a smile in his voice.

“But I’m nice to her.”

“And a show-off.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh. But that’s not so bad, is it?”

“I guess not.”

Silence.

“Siri?”

“Jamie.”

“Don’t patronize me, please.”

“Sorry.”

“Do you think that’s all?”

“All of what?”

“Her problem with me.”

“She might think you’re stalking her.”

“I’m not!”

“She might _think_ so.”

“I just wanna show her I care.”

“Maybe you should do that some other way.”

Silence.

“Try to talk to her.”

“Talk to her?”

“You know, sit next to her sometime, and tell her you genuinely like her”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Just don’t go give big declarations of love. Try small.”

“Small. That’s not really me.”

“Just – try. I think she’ll like it better.”

“I’ll try.”

 

**FOUR**

Sirius was easy. Everything we did was effortless as breathing. From the moment we met, we were friends. And the moment we saw food, we were hungry. I could tell him everything, and he’d respond the way I needed him to. But sometimes I became confused. Not about something he did, we could practically read each other’s minds. But my own thoughts, about him. Sometimes I caught myself staring at him when he undressed to take a shower. Or even simply at his smile, full of mischief, the one he gave only to me. I think it started with my pursuit of Lily. When I got really serious. He supports me so much, even though I think there’s a hint of disapproval. It makes me want to hold him close. The thought that he’d do that for me.

 

**FIVE**

Merlin I was drunk. Oh sweet Merlin was I piss drunk. And James was hanging over my shoulder, also incredibly drunk, and I could smell his musky scent mingled with alcohol. And Merlin I was getting aroused. I dumped him in his bed and fell with him, too tired and too drunk to move. It felt good, laying across his chest. Feeling _very_ comfortable I fell asleep.

-

I woke with an all-encompassing headache. Even the tiniest hint of light hurt my eyes, and I could hardly move. Trying to turn around, I felt the reason for that. Something, or rather, _someone_ was laying across my chest. _Sirius_. And his arousal was pressed into my thigh. I looked at him, and found he was quite beautiful, laying asleep across my chest. I also found I didn’t mind him laying there. _At all_.

 

**SIX**

“Sirius?”

“Sirius?”

“What, James?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

He’d been like this for two entire days now. Remus was right, I had been slow with catching on. But then, I’d finally managed to get a date with Lily.

“Please, James. Just leave me alone.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

He finally looked me into my eyes. There was pain in his grey orbs. A pain I’d seen before, but I couldn’t remember when. I wanted it gone. I did what I’d done before when he was in pain. I hugged him. He stiffened, but I only held him closer. Gradually he relaxed and returned the hug. We stood like that, thighs aligned, for quite some time.

Sirius finally withdrew a bit, looking at me. He tilted his head and moved closer. Hesitated. Briefly, his lips touched mine.

Then he let go of me altogether, and looked away.

“Sorry.”

I touched my lips.

“’S okay.”

Silence.

 “You alright now?”

“Yeah.”

 

**SEVEN**

“Jamie?”

“Hmm?”

I could feel the rumble of his voice in his chest. The position of me laying across it had stuck.

“Do you ever think of being out there?”

“After graduation, you mean?”

“Mmm.”

“Not really. I guess I’ll settle down with Lily someplace. You?”

They were together now. I’d gotten used to the ache in my chest, but that didn’t lessen the pain.

“Dunno. Getting a place of my own somewhere, I guess.”

I wasn’t looking forward to it. True, I’d probably see him everyday, with Auror training and all, but it wasn’t the same. No more crawling in his bed when I felt lonely or had had a nightmare, no more pranking people, no more midnight escapades.

“You will come over once in a while, won’t you?

“Of course, Jamie. You won’t have a second without me. I guess I’ll just live with you, instead of having my own apartment.”

“Be serious.”

“I am Sirius.”

“Padfoot.”

“Sure. I’ll come by.”

 

**EIGHT**

“James!”

“JAMES!”

“Sirius! What’s wrong?”

“Thank goodness, you’re alive!”

“Of course I’m alive, what else would I be?”

“I lost you. Lost track of your squad.” I was shaking on my legs. I hated these deatheater raids, but all aurors available were needed.

“Come here.” He engulfed me in a tight hug. Again I assured myself he was alive. I turned my head and looked in his eyes, full of concern for _me_.

I couldn’t help myself. I pressed my lips against his.

He didn’t even seem shocked. His eyes simply flickered closed, and he kissed me back. I closed my eyes as well, and opened my mouth, sliding my tongue over his lip. He answered by opening his mouth as well, and I tasted his warm breath on my tongue.

He took control of the kiss then, invading my mouth with his own tongue. It was an electrifying feeling, and I never wanted it to stop. Unfortunately, after a few minutes, the need for breath became apparent.

“Potter! Black! You’re needed here!”

Alastor Moody. The moment was lost. We never talked about it, and I don’t think he ever told Lily. But it had been perfect.

 

**NINE**

More sporadic kisses followed, and we never spoke about it. Sometimes, when I was fighting with Lily, I stayed the night with Sirius, but we never did more than sleeping in each other’s arms. His place was where Lily always came to look for me if I was upset, and his place was where the Marauders always came together. But it was my place that Sirius went to when he’d heard the news about his brother.

When I opened the door, I knew immediately something was wrong. Even though it was December, Sirius wasn’t wearing a coat. He somehow looked thinner than when I’d last seen him, even though it hadn’t been more than a day or two, and his eyes were rimmed with red.

He stumbled forward, tripping over the doorstep, falling into my arms. I closed the door with my free arm, and held him with the other.

“James? Who is it?” Lily came from the kitchen.

“It’s Sirius.”

“Does he want dinner?”

I looked at him. “I don’t think he wants much of anything right now.”

Curious, Lily came to look.

“Oh. Um. Sitting room, I think.”

“Can you walk, or do I have to carry you?”

He just tightened his grip on me. I took him in my arms bridal style and carried him to the sitting room, laying him on the couch. When I tried to stand up, he held on to my shirt.

“Stay.” He said, his voice cracking.

I stayed and sat with his head on my lap, trailing my fingers through his hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Silence.

“Reg…”

I kept on stroking his hair. Lily came by and left again, telling dinner would be ready soon.

“He’s… They got to him.”

“I’m Sorry.”

“The body never turned up, but the records did.”

Tears were strolling across his cheeks.

“He was my brother, even if he was a Deatheater, James, I…”

“It’s okay, Siri. I understand.”

We stayed like that for an indeterminable time, until finally his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. I stood, putting a pillow under his head and giving him a soft kiss on his forehead.

Lily looked up when I came into the kitchen. Dinner was ready. “How is he?”

“Asleep, for now. I’ll prepare the guest bedroom.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“His brother died.”

“…”

Dinner was good, but I was worried about Padfoot. When we were finishing off, pained moans came from the next room, and with an apologetic look to Lily I went off to wake Sirius.

He was feverish, and when I touched him, he hit my hands away.

“Sirius!”

He woke with a start, eyes wide open and clutching himself to me.

“Sirius?”

He was trembling, and either his muscles had given out, or he hadn’t the mental strength to stay upright, because his weight dragged me down with him.

“Hush, it’s alright, Nobody’s going to hurt you, I’m here.” I tried to comfort him.

He dragged me on the couch next to him, holding me so close he was almost restricting my breath. He was slowly calming down, and Lily came to check on us again, looking on.

Sirius shifted his grip, allowing me to breathe more easily.

“James?”

“Hmm?”

“Please don’t make me sleep alone tonight?”

I looked pleadingly at Lily. She briefly nodded and went away. She probably was put out with me, but right now, Sirius needed me more.

“Don’t worry, Siri. I won’t leave you alone. Do you want to eat something?”

He shook his head.

“Do you want to sleep some more?”

“You’ll stay, won’t you?”

“I’ll stay. I promise.”

He nodded again, but made no move.

“Can you walk, or should I carry you?”

Usually, his pride wouldn’t allow me to carry him, but this time he didn’t even try to get up.

“Scoot off a bit, then, so I can stand and take you up.” He finally moved, still not letting go.

I took him in my arms again bridal style, his head resting on my shoulder. Upstairs, I laid him down in the large bed in the guestroom, prying loose his fingers. He moaned his disagreement.

“Padfoot, Lily’s gonna kill me if I allow you to sleep with your shoes on.”

He acquiesced, and I started undressing him.

If under other circumstances, the situation would have been rather erotic. And as it was, I couldn’t help trailing my fingers across his hips and legs when I took off his trousers, and softly kissing his chest when I had undone the buttons of his shirt.

I threw his clothes in a pile on the floor near the bed, and my own with them, leaving us both in boxers, evidence of our arousal visible.

Ignoring it, I put the blankets over us both, taking him into my arms, bare chests touching. My arousal was not lost on him, and he moved, rubbing our cocks together, seeking friction.

I felt conflicted. I knew that what I felt for Sirius was more than very good friendship, and apparently Sirius wasn’t averse to me either. But I was married to Lily! I loved her! And she was practically in the next room! Could I do this? For Sirius? Oh, but I wanted it. I could not deny that.

The pleasure created from our movement was delicious, and both Siri and I couldn’t keep moans at bay. Sirius moved to lay on top of me, kissing me hesitantly, but full of need, physical, but emotional, too. He needed me on a wholly different level than ever before. And in that instant I knew I could never deny him what he needed so desperately.

I kissed him back, and I put my own need to comfort him in the kiss. It was becoming too much, yet not enough. I wanted more.

As if he could read my mind, he moved his hands and pulled my boxers down, freeing my straining erection. He caressed me softly with his hand, giving me another wave of pleasure. I dragged his head down, engulfing his lips once more in a kiss, and pulled off his boxers as well.

He moaned into the kiss, and I was in heaven. But I still needed more, I needed him, I needed his cock, I needed him _inside_ me.

“Please Siri…”

“James”

His hands wandered down, no longer touching my straining erection, but moving further, stroking down _there_ , and whispering a wandless lubrication charm. For a moment it felt strange, cold, but Sirius knew what he was doing, and slipped one of his fingers inside of me.

I tensed, not being used to the feeling, but when he slowly moved in and out, I relaxed a bit. Then, he added a second finger, scissoring to stretch me, and moving as if searching for something.

When he found my prostate, I saw stars, arching into him. Again he whispered the lubrication charm, now over his own straining cock.

“Please.” I moaned.

He positioned himself against my entrance, slowly easing himself inside.

It _hurt_. I couldn’t stop the whimper coming from my throat.

“Shhh, Jamie.” Sirius trailed his hand through my hair, leaning forward to kiss me.

I gradually relaxed, and the pain gave way for a quite pleasurable, full feeling. I moved my hips. Sirius took that as his queue to move, and he eased out of me, thrusting back in, hitting my prostate hard. I moaned.

“Sirius…”                                                                                                                                                                              

He thrust into me again and again, and I moved my hips with him in synchronisation. Nothing else existed but us, that night the first time we made love. When I felt the tightening in my balls, I came both too soon and not soon enough. Only a moment later, Sirius came inside of me, my name on his lips, riding out our orgasms.

When he finally collapsed down on top of me, tears stood in his eyes. We fell asleep in each others arms, as we had done many times before. But this was the first time we did so naked.

**TEN**

“Sirius?”

“Hmm?” I was distracted, balancing only on the hind legs of my chair. “What is it?”

“Lily’s pregnant.”

 _That_ I had not expected. I lost my balance and fell backwards on the floor.

“Ow!”

I didn’t quite know how I felt about it. But it was a good thing, right? James wanted a family of his own, I knew that.

I scrambled up from the floor and hugged him. “Congratulations.”

“You’re not…”

“What?”

“Upset?”

“I’m happy for you.” That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, but his happiness was more important than mine.

“Thanks Padfoot.”

I smiled. Anything for him. I never thought I would ever care so much for another. But ever since I have made love to him, I am not interested in anybody else. I don’t think he has noticed I’ve stopped fucking around yet, and sometimes he’s so thick-headed I think he never will.

**ELEVEN**

I was showering when the firecall came.

“Lily is in labour!”

“St. Mungo’s?”

“What?”

“She’s not in St. Mungo’s?”

“Oh.”

“James, you idiot! I’ll meet you there.”

I dressed as quickly as I could, my hair still dripping on my shoulders as I hadn’t bothered with a drying charm and floo’ed over to the magical hospital. When I arrived I could hear Lily cursing James’ Family jewels, but I wasn’t allowed inside.

Eventually I stopped pacing and sat down. In the early hours of the morning I was woken by a healer.

“It’s a boy.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Am I allowed inside?”

The healer nodded.

Inside sat an exhausted Lily and James, Lily holding the tiny pink bundle that was their son.

I smiled at the picture they made. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. His name is Harry James Potter. We’d like to ask you to be the godfather.”

“Of course. May I hold him?” I asked Lily.

She nodded and carefully handed the sleeping baby to me. When I saw his little face, scrunched up in sleep, I couldn’t do anything but love the little boy laying in my arms. At first, when Lily had just began to show, I had been resentful of the kid taking another little part of James away from me. Back then, I hadn’t realised that this little wonder had a part of James in him, and how could I hate anything that was James? I smiled at the baby in my arms and softly ran a finger over his rosy cheek, before giving him back to his mother.

“He’s beautiful.”

 

**TWELVE**

Everything went downhill from there. There was a prophecy, according to Dumbledore, and Voldemort was hell-bent on killing my godson. Lily and James moved from safe house to safe house, and I saw them and little Prongslet only once a week if I were lucky. Both Lily and James looked exhausted, being on the run and trying to take care of a baby. In the end they decided to stop running and use the Fidelius Charm instead. And I would be the secret keeper.

The plan I came up with was quite brilliant, if I may say so myself. Instead of being their secret keeper, I would be a decoy. And the actual secret keeper would be Peter. Nobody would even suspect! Even if I were captured, I couldn’t spill the secret if I wanted to, because _I simply didn’t know_.

If only Peter hadn’t been a filthy rat.

 

**THIRTEEN**

“LILY, TAKE HARRY AND RUN! IT’S HIM!” I yelled, scrambling for my wand, hoping to buy them enough time to get away. I knew I would not make it. I didn’t stand a chance. But Padfoot would take care of Lily and little Harry. They would be fine. They would survive. They had to.

As the green light sped towards me I wondered why I never told Sirius I loved him. I think he knew, though. I certainly knew he loved me, and he never said it either.

 

**FOURTEEN**

I am innocent.

It is not a particularly happy thought, being stuck here in this hellhole of a prison. It’s why the dementors haven’t taken it away from me yet.

They have taken other memories. I don’t quite remember what it felt like making love to James. Nor do I quite recall what little Harry’s laughter sounded like. I do know I gave him a dog plushie for his first birthday.

I also remember love. The pain of losing James is something that will always stay with me. It keeps me alive, in a way, because as long as I feel pain, I know there is still love somewhere in the recesses of my mind.

I have somehow still not lost hope. Even though it has been ten years, I am not insane. I am innocent.

Harry will be going to Hogwarts soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you think! It is quite possible I go back to this story in a month or so and rewrite the ending. It may be a little abrupt.


End file.
